The difficult tasks took less time than I expected — it was the resistance to starting them that consumed the day.
Day 12 wasn't really about job preparation.
It was about me.
Yesterday, I decided to change the way I work. Instead of starting with the easy tasks and slowly moving towards the difficult ones, I decided to do the hardest and most important things first.
On paper, it sounded simple.
In reality, I spent a huge part of the day fighting myself.
The difficult tasks actually took less time than I expected, but the mental resistance around doing them consumed a lot of the day. Still, I managed to complete a few things I had been postponing for weeks.
One of them was a mock interview with a senior I really respect. I already knew the feedback might be difficult to hear, but I had been avoiding it. Today, I finally forced myself to do it.
And yes, it demotivated me.
But it also gave me something I needed: a reality check.
Sometimes you need to hear where you're falling short, even when you don't want to hear it. Knowing the problem is uncomfortable, but avoiding it doesn't make the problem disappear.
I also completed an assignment that I had been pushing towards the end of the week. On the preparation side, I covered several system-design topics, although I'm still struggling with one important skill — communicating my thought process in a structured way during interviews.
That's becoming increasingly clear to me.
The other realization came from looking at where the hours actually go.
I think too much.
And I've started noticing that this isn't just a productivity problem. There is an internal conflict that has been around for a long time. Earlier in my life, I pushed myself extremely hard through difficult periods. Later, when life became more comfortable, I got used to having more space and flexibility.
Now, when I deliberately put myself back into a preparation mindset, some part of me resists it.
I could simply ignore that feeling and keep pushing.
But I don't want to.
I don't want to bury the problem today only for it to grow and come back years later.
That's also why I'm documenting this journey.
This isn't only about getting a job.
It's about moving from a mindset of consumption to a mindset of creation — spending less time consuming content, validation, and information, and more time actually producing something.
There are two versions of me in this journey: the person I am today, and the person I want to become.
This job search is just the starting point.
For now, I'm trying to put the seeds in the right direction instead of letting them grow everywhere.
The DSA numbers are still behind target. The interviews coming up may not go the way I want. And I still have a lot to improve.
But perhaps that's exactly what Day 12 needed to be.
Not another day of pretending everything is going perfectly.
A day of recognizing what is actually holding me back — and deciding to work on it.
Day 12 done. Tomorrow, we start again — but hopefully with a little less resistance.
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